Welcome Back Samsonites

7/22/09: Welcome Back Samsonites

Hello Tiger Nation and welcome back to The Samson Report. I know I’ve been gone for a while, so let me give a big “GEAUX TIGERS!” to all of the loyal followers of The Samson Report. All 5 of you!

This report will be short and sweet, but next week I’ll start breaking it down!

Now, let’s quickly reflect back on the past 20 months since the last report:

· LSU wins 2007 Football National Championship. Les Miles gets some crystal hardware to go along with his impressive record.

· Bo Pelini leaves for corn land, and Les Miles makes the biggest mistake of his coaching career by promoting the duo-of-dumb. The LSU defense under Doug Mallory and Bradley-Dale Peveto sucked a fat one!

· Ryan Perrilloux can’t get control of his deep-seated stupidity, and it costs him his position on the LSU team. It will also cost him dearly when he’s drafted into the NFL. Goodell is already having nightmares about this guy.

· Stepping in for the departed RP, sophomore Jarret Lee sets an all-time galactic record for pick-six in a season. Talk about a Whack Stat!!

· Because of the last few bullet points, LSU stumbles to a disappointing 8-5 record. Reality hits LSU fans in the gut like a late-night Louie’s omelet. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, don’t ask.

· Temporary bowel relief comes in the form of another blowout bowl win. Georgia Tech gets blown off the field, and LSU fans get a glimpse of the next potential superstar, Jordan Jefferson.

· Miles rights his mistake, and John “The Chief” Chavis is named Defensive Coordinator. More about him later.

· LSU signs the top recruiting class in the nation. Good job Lester!

Ok, that’s enough. Time to look ahead to the ’09 season. Here’s the schedule.

09/05/09 – LSU @ Washington
09/12/09 – Vanderbilt @ LSU
09/19/09 – ULL @ LSU
09/26/09 – LSU @ Miss. St.
10/03/09 – LSU @ Georgia
10/10/09 – Florida @ LSU
10/17/09 – OFF
10/24/09 – Auburn @ LSU
10/31/09 – Tulane @ LSU
11/07/09 – LSU @ Alabama
11/14/09 – LA Tech @ LSU
11/21/09 – LSU @ Ole Miss
11/28/09 – Arkansas @ LSU

The New Format…
Here’s how it’s going to work. Every Wednesday morning, The Samson Report will be updated. The streamlined once-a-week report will cover the previous game in detail and look ahead to the upcoming matchup. I’m going to scale back the statistical analysis a little, and offer more personal opinion. Why? Because every time I talk football with someone, they ask me what I think about the game. They don’t ask me how many receiving yards the second string tailback has, or what the opposing cornerback runs in the 40. But don’t panic you stat junkies; I will continue to provide the important “water cooler” stats.

As always, your participation is encouraged, so feel free to inject your dim-witted opinions by leaving a comment. Just be sure to leave your name so we can make fun of you. Just kidding (Not really). I know some of you love to argue with each other, so feel free. Just remember, your mother may be a closet Samsonite, so keep it relatively clean. No F-bombs! No trump-cards! No derogatory references to anyone’s ancestry!

Also, I’ve been asked several times about guest columnists. The Samson Report is an interactive, open forum so freelance columns are always welcome. The Samson Report is better when everyone gets involved. So get off your lazy ass, gather your opinions, and send me a report.

Do you think Jarret Lee is still a good QB? Write a report!
Do you hate Les Miles? Write a report!
Do you hate the new scoreboards, and wish LSU would stop adding on to the stadium? Write a report!

By the way, all of the preceding opinions belong to Samson Report followers, you know who you are.

Road Trip!
Also, it’s time to start making plans for Georgia. I will be in Athens for the weekend of October 2-4. I have 2 tickets already and a hotel in Athens. Keep your eyes and ears open for more tickets. Let me know if you want to make the trip. Come one, come all.

Before I go…
Although this forum concentrates on the football team, I would be negligent if I didn’t say congratulations to the LSU baseball team who brought home another trophy from Omaha. Life is better when LSU baseball is winning. I am a little bitter that work obligations kept me from making the trip to Rosenblatt AGAIN this year. Why do refineries have to catch on fire the week before we leave?? If it happens again next year, “ We don’t need no water let the ***** ****** burn! Burn ****** ****** Burn!!!”

Here is a list of the upcoming pre-season reports:
7/29/09: 2008 Football Season Recap (painful but necessary)
8/05/09: 2009 Recruiting Recap
8/12/09: Coaching Changes
8/19/09: Depth Chart Review
8/26/09: 2009 Season Preview. Fall Practice Update

45 Days and Counting!
See you soon!